This post is definitely putting myself out there, but if I can help one person who may be going through what I went through, then it will be worth it.
In the top picture, I weighed 114 pounds, close to my low weight of 113 pounds. The bottom photo is my tummy today at 135 pounds. DO YOU SEE A 22 POUND DIFFERENCE?
I don’t, and I went through so much pain to get to the top picture. I starved myself for months and worked out excessively. My trigger was stepping on the scale one day and weighing 127 pounds. I had been naturally skinny my whole life, so this new healthy weight was a shock to me. I thought if I continued the way I was doing things, I would get fat and not be able to model. So I started researching breatharianism, fasting, and connecting with pro-ana communities. I found people who were doing the same thing as me, who understood me, and we supported each other through our self-destruction. NO ONE TRIED TO HELP ME.
No one online, anyway. The one person I confided my starvation secrets with was my boyfriend. Not surprisingly, our relationship was strained after he held my wrist one day and realized I had lost almost an inch around my wrist. He was scared, but I wasn’t. I knew exactly what I was doing and that it was working.
My relationships fell apart, I was obsessed with calories and exercising, and I developed real insecurities for the first time in my life. Throughout middle school and early high school I had always been very confident, opinionated, loving, and out-going. Starving not only took over my life, it took over my personality.
In a sense, I am always recovering. The day I stepped on the scale and weighed 113 pounds, I broke down, because I had always told myself that I would stop one day, but I didn’t. I stopped counting calories, started doing more yoga, and became a vegan. Since then I have struggled with orthorexic tendencies, but I no longer fear getting fat, and I have a successful modeling career.
If you are going through anything similar right now, please get help as soon as you can. Feel free to message me, or talk to someone who loves you. You may have already stepped over some of your loved ones along the way, but I guarantee that if you ask for help, they will be there for you. They will understand, and they will be proud of you for being strong.
I encourage you to embrace health, not numbers. Embrace the body you have now, and I promise that when you start eating right and exercising regularly, you will see the results you want. The pain is not worth it, destroying your life is not worth it. If you don’t love yourself, you can’t love anyone else.
I have popcorn and mango madness tea over ice, and I am watching Friends. It’s a good evening.
brb coming over
Let’s not forget about that time Beckham drove a speedboat through explosions on the River Thames (via KICKTV)
(via inventfootball)
Check out Silver Linings playbook. It’s absolutely amazing!
I have! Although not very rom-com like.
It’s nearly 4AM and I’m browsing my university’s website, trying to build my course schedule for next year.
and you told me to go to bed
I can’t stop laughing at Harry running the fuck away, the boy who lived ladies and gentlemen.
….You realize, of course, that Hermione Granger lit a teacher on fire when she was eleven, and kept a person alive in a jar for a year when she was fourteen, and studies dark and forbidden magics for kicks, and is one of the brightest and strongest witches of her era. If she came at me, even wandless, I would aparate to Neptune to get away from her.
Hermione Granger also:
- punched Draco Malfoy in the nose for being an idiot
- purposefully performed a confundus charm on whatshsface WHILE HE WAS FLYING just so Ron would win (omfg that is so fucking dangerous)
- literally pulled a fucking Bourne Identity on her parents and managed to set them up in fucking Australia (jesus christ she literally made it so that she NEVER EXISTED wtf that’s so fucking 007)
- Convinced the Ministry of Magic to give her an incredibly dangerous and volatile device that allowed her to ALTER TIMELINES COMPLETELY (just because she was so smart, literally, that is the reason, her “potential”)
- Has enough basic survival skills and badass magic to literally disappear to the middle of nowhere and flourish AND figure out Voldemort’s plot with Harry
- Hermione also figures out not only what Voldemort’s plan is, but generally how to beat it, WAY BEFORE VOLDEMORT EVER DOES. Why? because she is just that much smarter and better at magic than everybody else
in conclusion: Voldemort wishes he could be as awesome as Hermione, that’s why he wants to kill her so bad.
Can we rehave this series with hermione as the protagonist.
Hermione Granger and “That Time I Used the Power of Research and Deductive Reasoning to Make Sure Harry Didn’t Die”
Hermione Granger and “That time I figured shit out and literally ended up petrified for the cause and it took my friends weeks to figure out that I had the research on me”
Hermione Granger and “That Time I Was a Time Lord”
Hermione Granger and “That Time I Realized I was Hot and Smart and Saved Harry’s Ass with Research. Again. All the Time. Really, He Would Have Died Without Me.”
Hermione Granger and “That time Harry was too emo to actually do shit so I did shit in his name because I am the power behind the throne clearly also PS fought evil deatheaters and won”
Hermione Granger and “That Time I told Harry about the Dangers of Copying off Somebody’s else’s work that wasn’t mine and OH LOOK I WAS RIGHT”
Hermione Granger and “That Time I let Harry Decide Where to Go and What To do and we ended up wandering the forests of dean for like 5 months before saving his ass at Hogwarts”
OH LOOK I WAS RIGHT
all of the above ^^
(via everythingly)
All I do is eat burritos.
are you actually trying to say here that you went to burrito boyz, the best of the burritos WITHOUT ME? I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS #betrayed
